


Say Something, Say Anything

by Yyydelilah



Series: In and around The Hive [5]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-03-29 04:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3882340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yyydelilah/pseuds/Yyydelilah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Benni moves out, Manuel struggles with being left behind. Fortunately, the cute guy at the local gym might prove a welcome distraction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I made a couple of batches of pasta sauce and a casserole and I’ve stuck them in the freezer so you don’t have to live on takeaways and Nutella. And you could _try_ to eat some vegetables occasionally.”

Mats looked on amused as Benni fussed around opening and closing cupboard doors.

“Wow, I’d forgotten how much of a ‘Mom’ he can be!” he remarked to Manuel. “He’ll be nagging me to take out the bins within a couple of days. Marco was never too bothered.”

Benni paused from packing the last of his things out of the kitchen that was now Manuel’s only, to shoot his boyfriend a sarcastic look.

“Clearly you were both fine with living in filth,” he countered. “Poor Mario doesn’t know what he’s in for.”

Manuel leant against the kitchen table and watched this exchange without a word. He really felt like punching Mats in his stupidly handsome face at times like this. He knew Mats was only joking but surely he could show a little bit more appreciation for the jewel of a housemate that Manuel was losing. That was the reason he was in no mood for jokes.

And, yeah, he knew Mats was crazy about Benni really and they’d been getting along a lot better in the past few months since Mats and Benni got together properly. Even now, as they shifted the last boxes into the hallway, Benni managed to gaze at Mats a though he was his whole world. It wasn’t so very long ago that Manuel had wished that Benni would look at _him_ like that. But he never had and he never would. It had only ever been Mats. Mats had been a blind, thoughtless dick but Benni had never let go. Even before Mats had finally come to his senses, Manuel had given up hoping that he could fill that place in Benni’s heart.

He was truly glad that his best friend was so radiantly happy but it still hurt to lose him as a housemate. And if Benni could forgive Mats for being an idiot then surely he could too. Mats could be funny and charming when he wanted to be (and when he wasn’t being oblivious to Manuel’s emotional fragility).

Finally stepping out onto the landing outside the flat, Benni handed the last crate to Mats and turned back to Manuel.

“If you don’t have time to cook, I know a great little Italian restaurant across town – mates’ rates?”

He smiled but his eyes betrayed concern. It was evident that his friend was upset and Benni felt conflicted –excited by this new chapter of his life but sad to be abandoning the man who had been his rock in hard times.

“I mean…just…don’t be a stranger, yeah? You know where I am if you need me”.

Part of Manuel’s mind screamed - _But I do need you! I always need you!_ \- and maybe that reaction wasn’t entirely valid anymore but a crush, however hopeless, doesn’t vanish altogether quickly.

“Of course –and likewise” he mumbled awkwardly, not trusting himself to say much more.

“We’ll see you Thursday for football, yeah?” Mats chimed in.

“If you don’t make me play in goal again, sure!” Manuel forced a smile.

“But you’re amazing at it mate – we need you!” Mats grinned and, with a nod and a “see ya later mate”, carried the final box of Benni’s stuff down the stairs and to where Roberto’s ancient blue van was waiting.

Benni and Manuel stood in the doorway of what had been their flat and just looked at each other for a moment, neither certain of what to say. It wasn’t as if they were never going to see each other again. Mats’ apartment was only across town – walking distance really – but it felt like the end of an era.

Deciding that words were superfluous, Manuel pulled Benni into a bear hug.

“Call me later in the week and we’ll go for a drink.”

“Sure thing” Benni managed a weak smile as he stepped back from Manuel’s arms. “Take care, Manu”

“Bye Benni”

Manuel watched Benni turn and reach the top of the stairs before closing the front door of the flat.

He walked slowly back through the hallway as if dazed before the deafening silence of the empty apartment overwhelmed him.

…

With nothing but a now-empty fridge and a mountainous pile of laundry to come home to, Manuel increasingly found himself staying away from his flat as much as possible. Work was a fairly good distraction and he took as much overtime as an increasingly-concerned Bastian and Philip would allow.

He could admit it was fun to hang out with Benni, Mats, Thomas and the rest of the guys at football once a week – it had been a stroke of genius on Thomas’ part to organise it –but seeing all those happy couples (Benni and Mats, Mario and Marco, Julian and Erik) heading home hand-in-hand would just hammer home how lonely he felt.

He knew that Thomas could sense this. Thomas was the only one to have guessed about his crush on Benni and, after one particularly boozy office-night-out last winter, Manuel had let slip rather more to his colleague that perhaps he had meant to. In fairness, Thomas had never pressed him on it or explicitly mentioned it since. There was little point in talking about it or dwelling on it anyway. Moving on was the best thing –even if that was easier said than done.

Gradually life took on a sort of hollow normality. He could visit “The Hive” café for a morning coffee without needing to pick a fight with Mats, though the ‘occasional treat’ slice of cake was becoming more the ‘usual’ cake or even the ‘make that two’ cupcakes.

The deterioration of his diet was offset by a new-found enthusiasm for the gym. Endorphins and thumping work-out music made for as good an antidote to melancholia as sugar and chocolate. Also, the gym stayed open late so he could put off returning to the cold, dark, unfriendliness of his apartment for as long as possible every evening.

Having finished a particularly gruelling few hours on the treadmill trying to forget it was exactly a month since Benni had moved out, Manuel found himself the last one out of the showers. Realising it was nearly half-eleven, he was just pulling on his suit trousers (having come straight from the Guardiola and Lahm offices) when he heard someone stumble over one of the changing room benches.

“Oh I’m so sorry! It thought everyone had gone home.”

“I lost track of time” Manuel replied, slightly apologetically, as he glanced up at the intruder.

The young man in front of him nodded, biting his lip and blushing faintly. He was tall, gangly, with wide pale green eyes and somewhat goofy teeth. Manuel thought he’d seen him around the gym before but he’d not really been paying much attention. He wasn’t certain but he suspected that the blush on the gym employee’s face had something to do with his state of semi-undress.

This suspicion was confirmed when he chanced a look towards where the blond youth was collecting used towels into a large laundry bag and having been caught red-handed checking out Manuel, the younger man was quickly red-faced.

Manuel forced back a grin.

_He’s really cute_ , he thought.

He picked up his gym bag and headed for the door, sneaking a peak at the man’s name badge as he passed. Reaching the exit he called back,

“Goodnight Christoph”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas Müller : Relationship counsellor

Aware that his lengthy, but hilarious, account of the time he superglued all of Bastian’s stationary to the ceiling was not receiving the proper attention from his drinking companion, Thomas broke off midway through his anecdote and turned to where Manuel was sitting disconsolately.

“Are you going to tell me what’s on your mind or am I going to have to guess?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’ve been staring at the dregs in the bottom of that glass for about ten minutes now and you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said so there’s obviously something rattling around in that melon head of yours.”

“I don’t have a melon head. I have a perfectly normal sized head” Manuel pouted. “And not listening to you is purely a form of defence. If anyone actually listened to everything you said then they’d go completely insane!”

“No need to be so sensitive, flower! I’m only trying to be nice, just concerned for your wellbeing. You’ve been really grumpy lately and I get why, I do, but it might help to talk about it. Look why don’t I buy you another beer…”

“Alright”

“…if you tell me what’s wrong.”

Manuel frowned.

“That’s bribery.”

Thomas just grinned innocently back at him.

“Maybe it is. It’ll work though!”

“Okay…” Manuel sighed.

“Excellent”

“…but only to shut you up.”

A few precious moments of quiet followed before Thomas returned from the bar and set a freshly poured beer on the table in front of Manuel with a flourish.

“There you go. Now spill. I hope this is not about Benni, ‘cos you said you were fine with that…”

“I thought you wanted me to talk?”

“Okay, okay!” Thomas mimed zipping his lips together.

“It’s not Benni, well not really, well maybe a bit…”

“Seriously?! You need to get past this mate, move on. He and Mats are really good together. Plenty more fish in the sea…”

“Gee thanks for the quality advice!”

Thomas looked as though he was about to protest at this slight against his relationship counselling but Manuel pre-empted his complaints.

“I said it wasn’t about Benni and Mats, now put a sock in it or I’m going home!” he warned.

“No, I’m sorry. I’ll be good I promise.”

Manuel took a gulp of beer before beginning.

“Okay. There’s this guy at the gym…”

“Aha!” cried Thomas, “Brilliant!”

Manuel glared at him.

Thomas raised his hands in surrender and fell silent allowing Manuel to continue.

“He’s cute. He’s really, really cute.”

Thomas looked at Manuel but Manuel didn’t say anything else.

This pause, although in reality only a few seconds long, seemed an interminable eternity to Thomas until he could stand the suspense no longer.

“And?”

“And what?”

“Are you going to ask him out?”

“I don’t know”

Thomas dropped his head onto the table bar theatrically with a loud ‘thump’. It sounded as though it should really hurt but he sat back up apparently unscathed.

“You are ridiculous sometimes! Why not?”

“Why not what?”

“Why don’t you just ask him out for a drink?”

“I don’t know anything about him.”

“That’s why you ask someone out! To get to know them!”

Manuel looked furtive.

“It’s just…”

“What?”

“I’ve not really dated a guy before, not properly. Just drunken hook-ups, casual stuff, not like proper dating.”

Thomas looked rather surprised by this admission. He thought for a second before answering in a more serious, thoughtful tone than his previous teasing.

“Alright, but even so, it’s not so difficult really. Just start small. Ask him if he wants to go for a drink and see how it goes.”

“Hmm, maybe…”

Manuel still seemed apprehensive.

“Well look at it this way then: If you ask him out, he might say yes, but if you don’t ask him out, you risk the prospect of me bugging you about it every day for the rest of your lonely life.”

Manuel took another large swig of his beer.

“You’re right. Abject, humiliating rejection sounds like a much more tempting option!”

Thomas grinned again.

“Glad to have been of service!”

…

So it was all Thomas’ fault that Manuel found himself dancing around outside the smoked-glass entrance to the ‘Elite Leisure’ gym and spa complex, trying to work out how exactly to phrase _‘I think you’re really cute and, if by any chance you’re single, would you like to come for a drink with me_?’ slightly more elegantly. Having spent the past couple of weeks working out Christoph’s shift patterns (in a totally non-stalker-like way), Manuel knew that he would be manning the reception desk and had figured that this presented the best opportunity for semi-private conversation.

He spent about five minutes pacing up and down, trying not to set off the sliding doors every time, before concluding that he was starting to look suspicious and he would have to bite the bullet and actually go inside.He drew himself up, thrust back his shoulders in an effort to look more confident that he felt, took a deep breath and strode purposefully towards the automatic doors, which, fortunately, stuttered open just before he hit them.

Christoph was indeed behind the desk as expected. What Manuel had not anticipated was that he appeared to be in earnest conversation with a short, portly, balding gentleman of about sixty. Brochures and forms covered the surface of the desk and Christoph was patiently taking him through the different types of gym membership and their differing tariffs.

_This was not the plan_.

Panicked, Manuel initially considered turning and leaving immediately, but, hearing the doors, Christoph glanced up from the desk and caught his eye. He fixed him with a quick, shy smile before returning to his polite explanation of terms and conditions. Figuring that there was now no escape that could leave his dignity intact, Manuel decided to try to loiter inconspicuously.

_Surely the middle-aged man wouldn’t occupy Christoph’s attention much longer?_

With every attempt at nonchalance, he slowly scanned over the posters on the foyer notice board before turning his attentions to the numerous leaflets advertising aqua-aerobics, Zumba and the like.

“Can I help you?”

A young, female employee with frizzy brown hair scraped back into a ponytail and a excessively toothy grin had joined Christoph behind the desk and, seeing that he was engaged in helping the older customer, was keen to be of any assistance to the handsome, lost-looking man wandering around in the lobby.

“Erm…er…just looking, thanks” Manuel mumbled awkwardly, desperately hoping the girl would get the hint and leave.

She gave him a quizzical look. Reasoning that there was very little harm this strange man could do to their information displays (and if he did, Christoph could deal with it), she decided to leave him to browse his ‘Antenatal yoga’ leaflet and return to her coffee in the ‘Staff only’ area.

_Seriously, how long does it take to fill in a few forms!_

His forced confidence now completely destroyed, Manuel abandoned his stratagem and was heading for the changing rooms when Christoph’s voice called after him:

“Are you sure there’s nothing I can help you with?”

Trying to ignore the cringing embarrassment bubbling up inside of him, Manuel turned to find Christoph finally free of the irritatingly tenacious client and eyeing him with a hopeful expression.

“Er, well…um… there **_was_** something…”

Manuel’s carefully rehearsed lines had deserted him and he floundered helplessly, distracted by Christoph’s large aquamarine eyes and the way his long, dark eyelashes fluttered as he smiled.

“I thought there might be,” Christoph replied, arching one eyebrow slightly, “I mean, seeing as you’ve been hanging around reception for nearly a quarter of an hour now…”

Manuel looked dumbstruck. He could feel the colour rising in his cheeks.

_How the hell…?_

Seeing Manuel look of distress, Christoph’s teasing smirk vanished.

“Shit! I’m sorry. It’s just that we’ve got a camera...”

He gestured to a monitor behind the desk that displayed clearly the area of the carpark immediately outside of the front doors.

Utterly mortified and defeated, Manuel let out a sigh and brought one hand up to cover his eyes.

“Oh God…”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Christoph continued quickly, “it’s just…just that I was hoping…”

Cautiously Manuel peeped out from between his fingers. Christoph didn’t appear to be laughing at him. If anything the look on his face was reminiscent of an eager puppy.

“…I was kind of hoping that maybe you were finally going to ask me out.”

Manuel just stared at him, astonished.

“Unless I’ve got completely the wrong end of the stick of course…” Christoph gabbled on, his expression now one of alarm.

“No, no – I mean, yes …”

Spluttering as his power of speech finally returned, Manuel took a moment to collect himself before he could reply properly.

“What I mean is that’s exactly what I was trying to do,” he managed eventually with a relieved smile and rueful shake of the head.

Christoph’s smile looked like it might split his face.

“Well then?”

The raised eyebrows and cheeky grin had returned.

Manuel looked defiantly back at the impudent young man for a moment before drawing himself up to his full height again.

“Would you like to have a drink with me next Friday, if you’re free?”

“Yes, that sounds great. When and where?”

“Erm, I hadn’t thought that far. I was stressing out over the first part! You might have noticed in fact!”

Having got the answer he wanted, Manuel was already much more relaxed and able to laugh at himself, knowing that when Christoph sniggered too, he was laughing with, rather than, at him.

“Fair point. Look, why don’t I give you my number and you can call or text me to arrange the details?”

Manuel handed over his phone wondering at how such a farcical situation could have turned out so well. He just stood there, smiling to himself, until the arrival of a group women heading to a step class reminded him where he was.

“I’ll see you Friday then?” he said, as though he couldn’t fully believe his luck.

“Looking forward to it!” replied Chris


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First dates are always awkward

Manuel peered from his watch to his phone for what felt like the millionth time, before turning the phone face-down on the dark, polished wood of the bar. He tugged nervously at the hem of his shirt and desperately prayed he wasn’t sweating. He’d finally decided on the pale blue shirt, purely because it hit the ‘smart but casual’ look his was aiming for and in no way because Thomas had made some flippant comment about blue ‘bringing out his eyes’…

He slid off the red leather stool and glanced around the bar. It was unnervingly quiet. There was a young couple, cuddled up close together on one of the long benches on the far wall, and three thirty-something women in suits and lanyards, evidently fresh from some local conference, were sharing a bottle of red wine. The bored-looking, extravagantly-coiffured barman stood idly polishing glasses at the opposite end of the bar, paying mercifully little attention to Manuel.

He picked up his phone again and checked through his messages. These were predominantly from Thomas with lots of helpful ‘advice’. Manuel hadn’t particularly wanted to tell anyone about his date but pester-power had cracked his resolve. He had, however, sworn Thomas to secrecy by threatening to reveal to Pep and Philip exactly which of their employees had ordered 20,000 paper cups instead of the required 20,000 paperclips. Manuel argued that “Maybe they might take it as a hint to get us a coffee machine?” was not going to get him very far as a defence.

Putting the phone back in his pocket, Manuel hopped awkwardly back onto the barstool and then almost fell off it again as he spotted Christoph pushing through the door. He was wearing a t-shirt and black jacket in a way that looked either effortless or that he had spent a lot of time trying to make it _look_ effortless. Manuel really wished it to be the later and immediately felt his own outfit was too formal and stiff.

Seeing Manuel at the bar, Christoph smiled bashfully and crossed over to join him.

“Hi”

“Hi”

Manuel’s heart was thumping out of his chest and really, really hoped it wasn’t too obvious.

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked, trying to sound cooler than he felt.

“That sounds like a very good idea.”

“What would you like?”

“I don’t really mind. What were you going to have?”

“Probably just a beer. I’m not really keen on cocktails and wine tends to go straight to my head.”

_Too much information, Manu!_

Christoph laughed

“I’ll have to remember that! Beer sounds great.”

With the barman thusly instructed there was a slightly uncomfortable pause whilst the glasses were filled. Manuel wasn’t exactly keen on the sour-faced bartender eavesdropping on their date as an antidote to his obvious boredom.

“Um…should we sit over there?”

Manuel used his head to indicate a small, square table in one corner.

“Sure, okay.”

They carried their drinks across the black and white tiled floor and Manuel sank heavily into the unyielding, squeaky red chair.

“So…”

“So…”

This was exactly what Manuel had been dreading. His mind was blank. He knew nothing about this charming man sitting in front of him but he could think of nothing to ask. Fortunately for him, Christoph seemed a good deal more relaxed in this type of situation and happy enough to initiate conversation.

“Why did you choose this place?”

“I don’t know really. I wasn’t sure where would be good and we came here on a work ‘do’ a couple of months ago.”

“Ah, work. What is it you do exactly? I know it involves an impeccable suit and finishes at about 5-ish but apart from that…”

“I’m an architect at Guardiola and Lahm.”

“Impressive!”

“Well not really. Bit of a conversation-stopper usually. How long have you worked at Elite Leisure?”

“A couple of years. Since I left school. It’s okay.”

“Are you really fit then?”

_Shit! That came out very wrong. You dumb ass!_

Christoph just smirked slightly as Manuel frantically tried to make amends.

“I mean…what I meant was, are you really into sports then?” he added lamely, inwardly cursing.

“Yeah, I guess. I go running, play a bit of squash, and tennis too occasionally.”

“Football?” Manuel offered, anxious to find some common ground.

“Sure, of course. I played a lot in school though not that often nowadays.”

“There’s a group of us hire a pitch on Thursday nights. Just social, though we might look at entering one of the 5-a-side or 7-a-side leagues in the New Year if people can commit. You should come along.”

“Yeah, maybe, sounds good.”

_Too early? Take it easy, see how it goes._

“What about music? What kind of thing do you like?”

_Jeez, I sound like a kid writing to his pen friend!_

“I love music” Christoph’s face lit up, “Anything and everything really. I play guitar and sing a bit.”

“In a band?”

“No, though I know a fair number of musicians. My housemate Max is a DJ and plays guitar too. We play a couple of open mic nights here and there, mostly covers, but just for fun, not like being in an actual band or anything.”

Christoph’s ease and enthusiasm made Manuel relax and as the beer flowed so did the conversation. Clearly music was a real passion for Chris but it also turned out they were both ardent movie fans. Discussion of recently seen films led to swapping stories of childhood favourites. Manuel was about to ask more about Chris’ family, when an obnoxious cough from the barkeeper alerted the pair to the fact that he was starting to hoist chairs up onto the tables, clearly impatient to close up.

“I think we may have outstayed our welcome” whispered Christoph with a sly grin.

“I suspect you might be right. Let’s get out of here!”

The night air was a chilly contrast to the warmth they had just left and, hesitating under the pale amber glow of a street light, Christoph shivered slightly in his thin jacket. Noticing this, Manuel instinctively wanted to cloak him in his arms, suddenly protective. Instead he looked uncertainly into Christoph’s face as though searching for his next cue.

“Erm…I’ve had a really good evening.”

“Me too,” Christoph smiled eagerly, “me too.”

“Can I see you again?” Manuel asked, heart in mouth.

“I’d like that. Are you free Sunday afternoon?”

“Sure! I mean, probably, I’ll check.”

_Try and keep it cool, Manu_

“That would be great.”

Another pause.

Manuel shuffled his feet slightly, not wanting to rush away but not quite certain how to leave. They stood there facing one another, unsure of the next move.

“I’m going in this direction” he gestured behind him.

“Oh right. I’m that way” said Christoph, pointing the opposite direction.

“Oh. Okay. Well…goodnight”

Christoph smiled and, leaning forwards, kissed Manuel gently on the lips. It was only a couple of seconds, not much more than a peck. It was only when their lips parted and Manuel opened his eyes that he realised he had closed them. Christoph’s face was still close to his, his eyes wide, deep and intoxicating. Manuel had to remind himself to breathe.

And then Christoph smiled up at him, that broad, unassuming, toothsome smile, as though Manuel was the most wonderful thing he’d ever seen, and it was impossible for Manuel not to grin helplessly back.

Beaming like a lunatic, Christoph took a couple of steps backward, stumbling a little as he did so.

“Goodnight Manu”

He turned and walked away, glancing briefly over his shoulder to where Manuel was rooted to the spot. Manuel nearly went after him. He was so tempted to ask him back to his flat straight away but he told himself to go slowly. There was still so much to learn about this guy and the evening had gone so well, he didn’t want to ruin it by rushing.

He was pretty sure he wouldn’t hold out for long though.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Football, friends and other firsts

People had started to notice a difference. Exactly how, Manuel wasn’t sure. It wasn’t as though he was wandering around with a silly, soppy smile on his face all the time –at least he didn’t think so.

Of course, despite his best efforts to keep his private life exactly that at work, there was no (legal) way of shutting Thomas up permanently and the constant asking after his plans for the weekend, accompanied by exaggerated winking and rib-nudging, would not have gone unnoticed by his other colleagues.

But it wasn’t a secret and so what if he looked happier – he _**was**_ happier, happier than he had been in quite a while. Why shouldn’t he show it?

Since their first date, Manu and Chris had graduated from drinks to dinner to movie plus dinner, with initial date nerves dissipating more quickly each time. It was now comparatively easy for them to be relaxed around each other, Christoph’s laid back, teasing allowing Manuel to be less afraid to be himself, no longer feeling the need to impress. Early days, of course, but plenty of reasons for optimism, even if this was not always a state that Manuel had been familiar with in recent years.

Tonight, however, the nerves had returned. Ever since he’d mentioned football practice on their first date, he had known that the point would come when he would have to make good on the invitation. Not that he didn’t want Christoph to meet his friends, but for some reason the thought made him uneasy.

After all, there was no reason why they shouldn’t get on. Sure, Chris was a bit younger than some of them but Erik and Julian were young and got on fine, as well as that silent one who looked even younger and whose name Manuel could never remember. And the university thing wasn’t likely to be a problem either. Chris seemed to be able to talk about anything, relaxed and unfazed in any situation. That was one of the things Manuel really liked about him. No, he would be fine, wouldn’t have any nerves at all.

Manu, on the other hand, still had a feeling in the pit of his stomach like he’d swallowed a rock as he waited at the ‘Elite Leisure’ reception for Chris to finish his shift. The reception desk was being staffed by the enthusiastic brunette who had been so annoyingly attentive during his incredibly un-suave attempt to ask Christoph out. Manuel smiled self-consciously at her, realising he was hanging around _again_ and hoping she wasn’t of a suspicious temperament. She eyed him over the top her glasses for a moment before failing to supress a smirk and returning to her computer screen.

Chris appeared from the ‘Staff Only’ door, kit bag in hand.

“Night Helene, see you tomorrow” he called to his workmate before pecking Manu on the cheek.

“Shall we get going?” he asked

“Sure. Let’s go.”

“Have a nice evening Chris!”

Helene was definitely smirking now.

…

Most of the group had already arrived and were kitted up when Manuel and Christoph entered the changing rooms. Thomas was the first to greet them, bouncing across the room, sending boots and water bottles flying as he did so.

“Hi Christoph! Lovely to meet you!”

He shook Christoph’s hand up and down heartily and slapped Manu on the back at the same time.

“This is Thomas” stated Manuel blankly, looking apprehensively at Chris as if to apologise for this crazed bundle of noise and energy.

Christoph grinned broadly back at Thomas.

“Nice to meet you too. Thanks for inviting me.”

“No, thank you for coming. Especially tonight as we’re one down on normal. Marco can’t make it. He’s stuck at work again. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and sort out the bookings for next month. See you out there!”

And with another exuberant clout of Manu’s shoulder (complete with the near-ubiquitous wink) he disappeared out of the door through which they had just arrived.

“Hey, hi! Chris isn’t it?”

Mats was already changed and had been observing the newcomer with interest.

“I’ve seen you around I think. You played our acoustic night at ‘The Hive’ last month didn’t you? You were good!”

“Thanks man”

Chris looked a little flushed by the praise but pleased at the welcome he was receiving from Manu’s friends.

“I’m Mats and this is Benni.”

“Hi!”

Benni looked slightly taken aback by the presence of Manuel’s new friend and directed a quizzical look over Christoph’s shoulder to an uncomfortable-looking Manuel standing behind him.

“Erm, yeah, Chris is…”

Manuel hesistated for a split second. He’d never used the word ‘boyfriend’ before and he wasn’t entirely sure how Chris would react to so possessive, so official a title.

_Oh to hell with it!_

“Chris is my boyfriend” he declared, anxiously watching for the reaction.

Christoph beamed, blushing ever so slightly while Benni’s eyebrows flew up in surprise.

“Oh great! Good stuff!”

Mats seemed genuinely pleased as he made way for Christoph to get changed next to, a now slightly frowning, Benni.

Benni was still looking at Manuel with a mix of curiosity and concern. Manuel avoided his gaze and busied himself changing into his kit.

As he tied up his boots, Christoph made the effort to get to know his potential new teammates.

“So how long have you guys played together?” he asked Benni.

“We’ve only been practicing here for a couple of months, but some of us…” he nodded in Manuel’s direction “…played together at Uni.”

“Oh, you were at university with Manu?” Christoph asked innocently.

“Um, yeah”

Again Benni looked a bit surprised at the question.

“And we were housemates up until August.”

“Oh. Oh right. Cool.”

Christoph’s smile had slipped and he too looked towards Manuel, intrigued that both were clearly ignorant of the other’s existence.

“We should get going.” Manuel stood up, keen to avoid this conversation continuing.

“It’s this was Chris” beckoned Mats.

Chris followed Mats but Benni accosted Manu before he could avoid him.

“Mate?” was his entire question.

“What?” Manuel snapped back defensively as he pushed past him towards the pitch.

“Well, nothing… I mean … it’s brilliant but…”

Benni followed him closely and grabbed his arm.

“What?”

Manuel span round abruptly to face his friend and then immediately felt like a complete dick.

Benni wasn’t angry or judgemental. He looked hurt.

“Why didn’t you tell me? You never even mentioned…”

He glanced towards where Christoph was warming up.

“He seems lovely.”

Manuel followed his gaze, marvelling at Christoph’s long, lithe limbs.

“He is, I think.”

Chris looked up from his stretches and realised he was being observed and very likely discussed. He frowned and quickly went back to his warm up.

“Well I’m pleased for you mate” smiled Benni, relieved, “but we seriously need to catch up.”

He ran onto the pitch then yelled back to where Manu was making his way towards the goal.

“We’ll have to compare diaries and go for a beer or something.”

Manuel just nodded at him and shot a furtive look back towards Christoph who was still watching their exchange with interest.

…

Christoph fitted in well. If his skills were a bit rusty then they were no more so than some of the others’, plus his fitness levels gave him the edge over those with pen-pushing day jobs. As they returned to the showers, Thomas was full of praise.

“You’re a real asset. You have to come back next week. Say you will, go on!”

“I’ll have to check my shifts.”

“That’s a ‘yes’”

“If I can, if I’m not working, then yes”

“Wahoo! Just what our midfield was needing.”

“And speaking of working,” miraculously Benni managed to get a word in, “I told Ralf I’d cover him for the late service so I need to get going.”

“Service?” Christoph looked confused, “As in priest?”

Benni laughed.

“As in chef. I work over at Roberto’s. I’m really not priest material!” he smiled, “Lovely to meet you and I look forward to getting to know you better.”

“Likewise” Chris replied.

“See you later, love,” Benni gave Mats a quick kiss, “I’ll try not to be late back. And you,” he pointed towards Manuel as he headed for the door, “I’m holding you to that catch-up drink!”

He smiled but his eyes were wide and serious. Manuel waved sheepishly and again avoided Christoph’s questioning look.

Having showered and changed Manu and Chris waved goodnight to the rest of their fellow players and went out into the drizzly evening in silence.

“Are you okay?”

Manuel was unnerved by Christoph’s unusual reticence and thoughtful expression.

Christoph’s brow furrowed.

“Why didn’t you tell your friends about me?”

If Manuel had expected the question, he wasn’t prepared with an answer.

“I told Thomas.”

“But not Benni or Mats or Mario or any of the others.”

“I’m not that close to Mario and I’ve not seen Benni and Mats in a while.”

“But you’re obviously close, you and Benni. You lived together, you’ve known each other for years and yet you’ve never mentioned him to me. “

Manuel stared down at his feet as Christoph continued, growing ever more exasperated at Manu’s lack of response.

“Does the fact you’ve been seeing me not count as important or interesting news to you? Is this just some casual thing for you, is that it? I’m not worth mentioning?”

His voice quivered and sent a knife into Manu’s heart.

“That’s not it. That’s not it at all!” he protested, reddening.

He’d not expected Christoph to react like this.

“Well why then? Were you… you and Benni…were you ever…more than just housemates?”

Christoph was now also staring down at the ground, as if he suddenly felt he was prying and as if he didn’t really want to know the answer to his question. Neither one of them had enquired about previous relationships before.

Manuel didn’t reply immediately. He was stunned by Christoph’s powers of perception. In two years Benni had never once suspected that Manuel had a crush on him, and now Chris had seemingly sussed it out in about two hours. Of course Manuel could just deny it. After all, it had come to nothing and had been over for a while, but, as he stopped walking and reached out for Christoph’s hand, he realised that he didn’t want to deny it. He cherished the fact that he could be himself when he was around Christoph and he wanted to be as open and as honest as Chris was.

“We were never more than housemates, never more than friends but… but I used to wish that we were” he floundered, trying to find the right words, the honest words. “He never felt the same. I always knew that so I never said anything. He doesn’t know. At least I don’t think he does. I got over it. He’s my best friend and I love him but I’m not _**in**_ love with him.”

Manuel had been gazing at his hand in Christoph’s but now looked up into his beautiful, sympathetic eyes.

“Thank you” Chris whispered softly, “Thank you for telling me.”

He pulled Manuel close to him and held him for a moment before pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck, and if Manu’s heart was no longer in danger from Benni then it was in very great jeopardy from Christoph Kramer.

…

Manuel was woken the next morning by the sound of singing. This was a not altogether uncommon occurrence as the child next door had both a particularly strident singing voice and an obsession with Disney musicals.

However, on this occasion her reedy, childish warbling was joined in duet by an unfamiliar falsetto. What was more this new voice was not coming from the wall adjoining the next apartment but from Manuel’s own kitchen.

His tired brain took a couple of moments to compute this but as the truth dawned, a smile spread across his sleepy face. He rose and tiptoed along the hall to the kitchen.

Dressed only in boxers and one of Manu’s old t-shirts, Christoph was making toast and singing happily, utterly oblivious to his audience. Manuel stood in the doorway watching him fondly until Chris noticed him there and blushed deeply.

“No don’t stop. Don’t mind me!” Manuel chuckled as he crossed over to his boyfriend.

Christoph pouted at being caught out, which only made him cuter.

Manuel kissed the pout from his lips.

“Good morning!”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movies and Music

One of the best things about a new relationship (or a new friendship for that matter) is introducing someone to new things and making new discoveries in return. You show them your favourite places, play them your favourite songs, lend them your favourite books and they reciprocate.

As Manuel and Christoph spent more and more time together, Sunday nights became ‘movie night’ with Chris choosing a film to watch one week and Manu picking one the next week. They divided their time between Manuel’s apartment and Christoph’s house share.

Manuel was particularly keen on non-Hollywood and independent movies, introducing Chris to some of his favourite films from around the world. Now Christoph was staying at his apartment regularly, he made much more of an effort to keep the flat tidy and even tried to cook occasionally (although more often than not most things still came either out of a packet or –after one particularly disastrous attempt to cook pizza – from the local takeaway).He even tried to theme the food to match his chosen movie. They ate noodles whilst watching “In the Mood for Love”, pasta with “Mine Vaganti” and, thanks to business trip, a small mountain of French pastries in front of “Amélie”.

Chris teased Manuel that he seemed to prefer reading subtitles to actually watching the action but he found them actually far more enjoyable than he had expected. The truth was Manuel spent more time watching Christoph than the screen. He loved seeing the different emotions the stories provoked – sorrow, laughter, sympathy – flicker across Christoph’s artless, open face.

Chris’s movie weakness was for 80’s American teen movies – a genre that had managed to completely pass Manuel by when growing up. Under Christoph’s guidance, Manuel made the acquaintance of the neon-coloured, new-wave soundtracked delights of such classics as “The Breakfast Club”, “Say Anything” and “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” whilst eating toffee popcorn and lurid candies.

Manuel put aside art house criticism and relished the joyful exuberance and celebration of teenage life these movies portrayed. Chris admitted that when he was a teenage he used to wish his life was more like a John Hughes movie – discussing junior prom with Molly Ringwald, being serenaded by John Cusack or getting detention with Judd Nelson and Emilio Estevez.

Despite their intention to watch something new (to at least one of them) every week, after Manu had had an especially stressful week at work, they both chose “Dirty Dancing” because, after all, rules are meant to be broken and Patrick Swayze’s dancing would make anyone feel better.

...

Max, Christoph’s housemate had a regular DJ spot on Sunday nights at a R&B and Soul club in town, so the couple had the place to themselves. Manuel usually arrived just as Max was leaving, his record bag slung over his shoulder, so, beyond the standard pleasantries, the two had managed very little actual conversation. Conscious of the fact that his housemate and his new boyfriend hadn’t really had much opportunity to get to know each other, and anxious that Manuel should share in every aspect of his life, Christoph invited him to come along the next time he and Max were due to play at ‘The Hive’s open-mic night.

...

Chris was coming straight from work so Manuel arrived at the café alone. Although this was his usual haunt for morning coffee, he’d never visited in the evening and the place looked strange. The lighting was lower and the furniture rearranged with the sofas pushed back to make way for a small stage area at one end. His fears that the audience would be dominated by aggressively-cool hipster clones proved unfounded. The cliental were definitely a bit younger and more 'student-y' than in the daytime but seemed quite varied and generally relaxed.

Mats was quite busy behind the till but smiled broadly when he caught sight of Manuel.

“Hey man! Glad you could make it!”

He gestured to Erik to take over blending some rather noxious-looking wheat grass smoothies for two pale, pig-tailed, hippy girls with tie-dye t-shirts and acoustic guitars.

“I didn’t think this was your sort of thing.”

“Well I’m here to support Chris”

“Of course, great! I think he’s on second so you won’t have to wait too long.”

Manuel looked around.

“You seem busy. This place is packed.”

“Yeah, it’s been proving really popular – worth us staying open later.”

“Is Benni working?”

“Yep, late shift again, but if we’re both working late it hardly matters. I don’t remember you being very into music?”

Manuel smiled ruefully.

“No, I'm not really. Nearest I get to a gig is embarrassing dad-dancing at weddings and parties and so on. But Chris loves it so I’m learning a lot!”

“Good for you. Well it’s not music up first. There’s a chap who wants to do some performance poetry first – no, don’t look like that!”

Mats laughed as Manuel looked aghast and rolled his eyes.

“Give the guy a chance – he’s good!”

Manuel looked unconvinced.

“You **would** say that. I’m surprised it’s not **you** up there!”

“Nah, don’t have the time anymore. Maybe my muse has gone!” he gestured with theatrical despair, before adding normally “or perhaps I grew out of the naval-gazing a bit.”

“Well I think we can all be grateful for that!”

Max appeared guitar in hand and, spotting Manuel in the throng came over to join him.

“Hi”

“Hi. Good to see you. Thanks for coming.”

“I’ve been looking forward to it” Manuel replied sincerely

“Well in that case I hope we live up to your expectations”

“I’m sure you’ll be great”

“Chris texted to say he’s on his way”

“Yeah I got that too”

There was a slightly awkward pause.

“Can I buy you a drink?” offered Manuel.

“I’m okay thanks”, Max held up a bottle of water as proof of this.

“I think I could use a coffee myself” Manu addressed the remark in Mats’ direction, “Especially if I have to sit through this poet!”

Mats just chuckled and poured him his coffee before making his way to the microphone to introduce the first act.

Despite Manuel’s misgivings, the performance poet was actually rather good and much funnier than Manu had expected. There were a couple of stand-up comedians pencilled in lower down the bill as well as various musicians who could be seen in the audience, clutching instruments, smiling and clapping nervously. The poetry also rather hampered any possible conversation between Manuel and Max.

Chris arrived halfway through the opening act, greeted Manuel with a kiss, Max with a wave and then sat between them.

“How was your day?” Manuel asked in a gap between poems.

“Long. But over now.”

“Are you nervous?”

“A bit. I’m glad you’re here though.”

“You’ll be wonderful I’m sure.”

“How do you know? You’ve never heard me sing before –well, I mean, not properly”

“I think everything you do is wonderful”

Chris blushed but kissed him again, while Mats and Max exchanged knowing ‘third-wheel’ looks.

Mats returned to the microphone after the final monologue to ask for one final round of applause, to announce that there would be a brief hiatus while the next duo set up, and to remind everyone that drinks and food were still available in the meantime.

Manuel gave Chris a reassuring smile and his arm a squeeze as he and Max made their way to the stage. After some fiddling about with tuning and microphones, they were ready to go.

Manuel was nervous on Christoph’s behalf as the first guitar chords rang out. He needn’t have worried. Chris had a sweet, high voice which contrasted harmoniously with Max’s more growly, soulful bass.

Manuel didn’t recognise the first couple songs. Later Chris told him what they were but the names meant little to him. He half-recognised one that might have been by Ed Sheeran but he couldn’t swear to it.

It didn’t matter though. He sat enraptured watching Christoph’s face as he sang. He looked so beautiful in the spotlight, staring off into the distance. Manuel’s chest swelled.

During one song he managed to tear his eyes from the stage and caught Mats looking at him and smiling indulgently. When he frowned the question “ _What are you smiling at_?” Mats merely grinned more widely and raised a glass to him, causing Manuel to redden and turn his gaze back to Christoph.

Before the final song, Chris seemed to initiate a rather hurried, whispered conversation with his duet partner. He then put his guitar down. Previously, Max had been the one introducing the songs but this time it was Chris who spoke into the mic.

“Um…thanks for listening, we really appreciate it. I wanted to sing a very specific song for our final number, but I don’t know the chords. Luckily Max does and has agreed to play for me.”

He looked gratefully at his partner who looked resigned but smiled back with the merest hint of a raised eyebrow. Then Chris looked directly at Manu and smiling said simply:

“This is for Manuel”

Manu felt as if he was about to explode. He was definitely glad it was quite dark as he blushed deep crimson, torn between delight at such a sweet gesture from Chris and utter mortification at the public nature of such a declaration. He couldn’t bear the thought of strangers looking at him, knowing his business. Public displays of affection embarrassed him and he’d always closely guarded his privacy but Christoph’s gaze held his own and rendered him temporarily blind to prying eyes of the world.

The song itself was one Manuel knew or at least half-remembered. An oldie, a 90’s boyband perhaps? It didn’t matter. As Christoph’s voice soared and floated over the notes from Max’s guitar, Manu sat transfixed.

_This was why people went crazy for musicians._

He had goose-bumps – a cliché perhaps but a true one. He was only disturbed from his perfect little world by the applause as the set finished.

Manuel was still red in the face as Chris came over to him, chewing his lip anxiously as if awaiting approval.

“Well?”

Manuel put one hand to Christoph’s face and lent into a slow and tender kiss.

“Wonderful. You were wonderful. Why did you choose that last song?”

“I don’t know. I thought you might like it. We were going to do a more up-tempo number but I wanted to sing a ballad.”

“Thank you”

Manuel kissed him again.

“Would it be very bad form if we left now and didn’t listen to the rest of the acts?” he asked hopefully.

Chris flashed a wicked grin.

“Well maybe, just this once.”

“I’ll stick around I think” Max had joined them, unobserved, “I’m sure you won’t wait up for me!” he deadpanned.

“See you later mate” Chris clapped him on the shoulder, “Thanks again.”

“The things I do for you!”

Max pulled a mock ‘long-suffering’ face then smiled.

Chris and Manu waved goodbye to Mats – “See you Thursday!” – heading home in a hurry and a taxi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware that IRL Christoph’s singing voice isn’t his finest talent [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdiSTIWEdvo] but this is my AU (and Manu’s perspective) so he gets to sing brilliantly :p


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ‘Guardiola, Lahm & Associates’ Christmas party and its consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst arrives, sorry

As the taxi made its way through the hammering rain, Manuel tugged at his collar with one finger and grimaced. The minicab driver had the heating on full and even though he had wriggled out of his dinner jacket, Manu squirmed in the stifling atmosphere.

“Are you okay?” Christoph watched him with concern.

“I’m fine, I’m fine” Manuel blustered, hurriedly, shrugging off Christoph’s reassuring hand from his arm. “It’s just really hot in here”

“I could open the window?” Chris offered, still eyeing Manuel closely

“No, no, we’ll get soaked. We’re nearly there.”

A few minutes later their cab drew up outside the imposing hotel entrance. Manuel thrust a handful of notes at the driver before Chris had a chance to reach into his pocket, and threw open the car door to meet a wet icy blast. He swore as his freshly shined shoes met the deep muddy puddle in the gutter and then squelched up the curb towards the front doors.

Christoph bit his lip to prevent an inadvertent giggle at his boyfriend’s misfortune before elegantly vaulting the offending water and joining Manu who was pushing through the heavy glass doors in an effort to escape the rain as quickly as possible.

A liveried member of hotel staff appeared almost instantly to relieve them of their coats whilst Manuel tried manically to dry his shoes as much as possible on the door mat.

“If they have a hand drier in the gents we could try to use that on your socks?” Chris suggested, a tiny mischievous smile tugging at his lips.

Manuel groaned.

“Argh, this is typical. I spent ages polishing them! We better get a move on. It would look bad to be late.”

He seemed agitated and restless. As he made for the large sweeping staircase, his damp shoes squeaking slightly on the grey marble floor, Chris gently held out his arm to stop him.

“Hey. Take a deep breath. We’re not going to be late. Are you sure you’re alright? You’ve been on edge all evening.”

Manuel sighed and closed his eyes for a moment.

“I’m fine, honestly. I just get a bit anxious at work functions.”

“Why? I mean, you see these people every day almost.”

“I know but it’s different, the ‘rules’ are all different”

“It’s just a party.”

“But it’s not though. It’s not just a few mates having a couple drinks. My bosses are going to be there, people I need to impress.”

“You’ll be fine, no, not just fine –“Chris rested his hands on Manuel’s shoulders and looked him directly in the eyes “-you’ll be wonderful.”

Manuel smiled weakly and looked down.

Chris took his hands back, his beaming smile vanishing, and studied the man in front of him.

“There’s something else isn’t there? What is it?”

Manuel squirmed, inwardly cursing Christoph’s ability to read him so well.

“It’s nothing really” he stuttered

_Well that’s never going to convince anyone._

“It’s just…I’ve never actually brought a date to one of these things before.”

Christoph looked slightly puzzled.

“Is it likely to be a problem?”

“No, no, not at all. I mean, Mario brought Marco last year and it wasn’t a problem. But it is a rather conservative firm, I just…I haven’t really… “

Manuel was flustered and struggling to explain himself

“...I usually just try to keep work and home kind of…separate, that’s all”

“So what you’re saying is you’re not ‘out’ at work, is that it?”

“Yes, no, well, that’s not what I meant.”

Manuel was getting hot under the collar again.

“I’m just really nervous” he blurted out “and I’m not really sure why. I’m sorry.”

He hung his head like a guilty schoolboy, fidgeting with his hands.

“Hey, hey” Chris lifted his chin and forced him to look into his eyes again, “Listen to me. It’s fine. It’s going to be fine. We’ll go in there together. We’ll chat to your friends, be charming and polite to your boss, drink free champagne, eat the free dinner and the only thing you’ll have to worry about is how embarrassing your dancing is going to be at the disco afterwards!”

Manuel laughed, tension easing from his body.

“And how squeaky my shoes are!”

“Hey, you’re not the one in the borrowed tuxedo that’s too big for him!”

Manuel took a step backwards and very deliberately looked Chris up and down, appreciating the view.

“It doesn’t fit you badly at all considering. It looks good actually. You should wear my clothes more often!”

Christoph grinned and took his arm as they made their way up the grand staircase towards the private function room.

“Come on. You’re the one who was worried about being late!”

The room had been tastefully decorated in white and gold with garlands of white twinkly lights hung floor to ceiling and over-sized candelabras laden with glinting glass icicles. Clearly the firm had spared no expense in its efforts to impress. Chris and Manu were immediately presented with brimming champagne flutes that they accepted gratefully.

Chris pointed down at the plush red carpet and whispered conspiratorially in Manu’s ear:

“See? You’re in luck. No squeaking!”

Manuel replied with a slightly forced smile, his anxiety returning. He sipped skittishly at his glass.

“Is that Thomas’ wife?” asked Chris, nodding towards the far end of the glamourous dark grey marble bar.

“Yes that’s Lisa” Manu replied.

Her dress was a simple, elegant column of matt gold. As she spoke with two middle-aged looking men in slightly-too-tight suits (that Chris took to be directors or shareholders or some such), Thomas stood at her side gazing at her dotingly.

“Wow, she’s beautiful. And isn’t it adorable the way Thomas just beams with pride as he looks at her?”

Manuel smiled. He’d always thought that too.

“Yeah, yeah it is”

Mario and Marco joined them, resplendent in matching suits (“On anyone else that would be naff, so how come they manage to make it look cute? Chris whispered slyly) and, once Thomas and Lisa had extricated themselves from their older colleagues, they formed quite a merry party.

It might have been the champagne, somewhat inadequately soaked up by the miniscule canapés served on achingly-chic slate platters by pristine waiting staff, but Manuel was beginning to relax. He was still too warm in his tuxedo though, a situation not helped by the room filling up with chattering, laughing workmates. It made him thirsty and uncomfortable.

“Ooh, Bastian’s here!” Thomas cried, spotting the senior team leader. “You’ve met Bastian haven’t you Chris? Of course you have at Thursday practice, though he can’t always make it. Scrubs up well doesn’t he?”

“He does indeed!”

Manuel frowned slightly at Christoph’s undisguised admiration.

“Who’s that he’s with?” Chris asked, indicating an immaculately-dressed handsome man with dark hair, a strong, square jawline and a red-tinged beard.

“That’s Xabi, our new project manager. Well new-ish.” Thomas answered, “Come on, I’ll introduce you”

Thomas grabbed Christoph’s hand and dragged him across the room, leaving Manuel to follow behind somewhat reluctantly.

With introductions swiftly dealt with, Chris fell easily into discussion with the suave and charming Spaniard. Manuel hovered awkwardly on the edge of their conversation draining his glass, envious of Christoph’s social grace amongst strangers. He’d barely spoken to Xabi at work but in a few minutes’ polite chatter Chris had found out more about him that Manu had managed in several months.

“How did you two meet?” Xabi was asking, attempting to involve the reticent Manuel in the dialogue, “Who asked who out?”

Christoph giggled and grinned.

“Ah, that’s a funny story actually! You see…”

Manuel cut him off in mid-sentence.

“Er…Chris, I just remembered I need to speak to you about something” he blustered unconvincingly as he grabbed Christoph’s arm and pulled him towards the doors, “Sorry Xabi”

“Erm…No problem, see you later”

Xabi looked a little confused and Christoph shot him an apologetic look as Manuel hustled him away.

“What’s the matter?” Chris demanded, pulling his arm from Manuel’s grip as they reached the cooler air near the doorway, “We were having a perfectly friendly conversation. Why did you drag me away?”

“I don’t need everyone to know about my making a fool of myself trying to ask you out!” Manuel hissed.

Chris stared at him incredulously.

“I thought it was cute! And it worked didn’t it?”

“It’s not cute, it’s embarrassing!” Manuel insisted, for once immune to Christoph’s disarming raillery “I have to work with these people.”

“Okay, okay, I won’t mention it again, I’m sorry”

Christoph’s soothing tone seemed to calm Manuel who sighed and wiped his brow.

“Manuel?”

Manu jumped at the sound of his name and turned to see his boss behind him.

“Philip! Hello”

“I was hoping to find you. Come and join us.”

He motioned towards a group of expensively dressed guests in the centre of the room. Manuel looked vaguely horrified but dutifully traipsed after the shorter man, snatching up another glass of champagne from the bar as he passed.

The executives seemed to be deeply engrossed in golf chat as Philip re-joined them followed closely by Manuel and Christoph.

“Manuel! Glad you could make it”

Pep extended a friendly, if formal, hand to Manuel who shook it silently, still looking slightly like a rabbit caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck. Something about the firm’s founder always made him nervous. Guardiola could be capricious and unpredictable; you were never sure which ‘version’ you were going to meet on any given occasion and yet this was the man who held their fates in his hands.

This particular evening he appeared relaxed and amiable.

He spotted Manuel’s companion:

“Lovely to meet you…er…”

“Christoph, Christoph Kramer.”

Chris supplied this information himself Manuel having apparently been struck dumb.

“Josep Guardiola.”

“Nice to meet you”

Manuel’s face turned distinctly red but Pep appeared not to notice anything amiss and returned to his discussion with Philip and the others.

“I was just telling Claudia, I played a couple of rounds with Jürgen at the weekend. Turns out he’s thinking of selling up - ‘moving onto other projects’ apparently.”

“But I thought ‘The Hive’ was doing well now?” queried Philip.

“Much better I think, but perhaps it’s not the challenge it once was.”

“You go there pretty often don’t you Manuel?” Philip asked, startling Manuel from his semi-trancelike state.

“Um, yeah” he mumbled.

“We know some of the guys who work there,” Christoph added, “We play football together.”

“Sportsman, eh?” Pep considered this, “Do you play golf?”

“Yes, when I can.” Christoph replied calmly, smiling.

“You should join us at the club for a round or two sometime”

Manuel choked on his drink.

“I’d like that” Christoph’s answer was somewhat vague as his patted a coughing, spluttering Manuel on the back.

“Where is it you work?”

At this entirely innocent question, Manuel seemed to panic.

“Err…He…er…You work in leisure management, don’t you Chris?” he gabbled inanely.

Chris just stared at him.

Manuel gaped and floundered. The room pitched and swam before his eyes.

“Not quite” Christoph stated coldly. “I’m a gym attendant.”

Pep received this fact with little reaction except a slight frown in Manuel's direction.

Christoph’s laid back, cheerful demeanour had disappeared completely.

“You don’t look well Manu” he said, his voice uncharacteristically icy, “I think we should get some air. If you’ll excuse us gentlemen”

He nodded at Pep, Philip and the others and hauled Manuel out onto the landing at the top of the main staircase.

“What the hell was that?”

“What?”

Manuel was flustered and confused. His head was pounding, his cheeks burned.

“All that bullshit in front of your boss! Are you ashamed of what I do, is that it?”

“No, no, shit, no”

He’d never seen Christoph properly angry before. He couldn’t really take it in. His brain wasn’t working quickly enough.

“Because I’m not. I like where I work and I’m good at it. I’m not going to put on an act to impress people”

“I don’t…I wouldn’t want…”

There seemed to be some sort of block between Manuel’s brain and his tongue, explanation and articulation seemingly impossible.

“Or is it that you’re ashamed to be with me at all?”

“No, God no. Why would you..?”

Christoph didn’t let him finish the question.

“Maybe because you seem so reluctant to admit to my existence - you don’t tell your friends or colleagues about us and you blatantly lie about me to your boss!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“Save it Manuel”

Christoph was halfway down the stairs toward the exit.

“Chris, please!”

Manuel stumbled over his feet as he ran after him, grabbing onto the elaborate bronze bannister to save himself.

“No!” Christoph span round as he reached the doors, “I’m not prepared to be your ‘dirty little secret’. It’s too clichéd. That’s not me,” he spat with a venom that Manu would never had expected.

He wrenched open the doors. The rain was still streaming down but was now more like sleet.

“Your coat!” Manuel called after him senselessly.

“I’ll get it later!”

Putting two fingers in his mouth, Christoph whistled to flag down a passing taxi.

Desperate, Manu appealed to him again:

“Chris, please, listen…”

Opening the car door Christoph turned to look at him.

“I deserve to be with someone who is proud to be with me” he said, his voice once more calm and as icy as the water thundering down around them, “Go home Manuel”

He slammed the door and the taxi sped off into the foul night leaving Manuel alone to walk home in the rain.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manuel tries to make amends

Tiny droplets of mist clung to the threads of Manuel’s coat, cold and glistening. The damp air hung heavily over the city as a thin, sickly winter sunrise scarcely attempted to permeate the gloom. As he wandered, apparently aimlessly, through the deserted early morning streets, the bright colourful Christmas decorations and window displays seemed veiled by the grey, smothering murk.

He hadn’t slept well. Several times he had woken, bathed in a cold sweat, with a cloying, noisome feeling in his stomach like writhing snakes, frantically clinging to the hope that the events of the evening before had been nothing but a horrendous nightmare.

But the memories of his words and actions played behind his eyelids as though witnessed from outside his own body and the callous truth became all too evident. His numerous texts and begging voicemails had gone unanswered and he was not surprised.

Finally concluding that sleep was impossible, Manuel had risen and left his apartment in an attempt to clear his thumping head.

It was too early to go anywhere. No shops or cafes were open at this hour of a Sunday morning. When insomnia had plagued him in the past he had headed to the gym but it would provide no refuge for him today.

In the distance he could hear the faint toll of a church bell. Each strike was as a hammer blow to his wounded conscience. Wracked with guilt as he was, he shrank from the prospect of attending early Mass for all its promise of shelter and warmth. There was only one forgiveness he needed at that moment, an absolution no priest could give.

His only hope was that he might rely on Christoph’s gentle understanding, that he might be given the chance to explain himself. But how could he when he didn’t understand himself? How could he defend the indefensible?

He realised with a stab of pain and humiliation that he was hanging around again. Hanging about and pacing the pavement in an attempt to pluck up courage from somewhere, just like he had when he stumbled his way to asking Christoph for a date. But this time there would be no soft, encouraging smiles to help him.

Their conversation with Xabi raced through his mind. An innocent question about how they’d met had tripped his over-sensitivity and short fuse. His crass and blundering actions had transformed Christoph’s happy, teasing smile into a look of bewilderment. The hurt and anger in those beautiful eyes was haunting.

…

When finally the hour could be called ‘reasonable’, Manuel walked with leaden feet to the nondescript suburban street where Chris and Max lived. He stood facing the slightly scruffy front door with its chipped and peeling green paintwork. Gritting his teeth, he raised his hand and knocked.

There was no reply. He tried again, striking the wood so hard it hurt his knuckles.

_They must be there. I can’t leave. I won’t leave. I have to try. He has to listen. He has to at least see me, surely?_

After the third, most prolonged round of knocking, the door opened by the smallest crack.

“Go away Manuel” Max hissed “He doesn’t want to see you.”

Before Max could shut the door again, Manuel used his honed goalie reflexes to wedge his foot into the gap.

“Please, please Max! I need to see him. I need to apologise!”

“You’ve got a nerve!” Max snarled back, “Finally sobered up have you? And realised what an asshole you were?”

Max’s words hit hard.

“I know and I’m sorry. I need to see him, please Max.”

“And why should he see you? He was a mess last night. I’ve never seen him so upset”

His voice was hushed as if trying to keep the conversation from his housemate within.

“I’m surprised you’re here at all” he continued, “Someone might see you”

His nerves frayed, Manuel was irked by Max’s mocking tone.

“What do you mean?”

“That’s all you care about isn’t it. Appearance. What you might look like in front of your stuck-up rich friends.”

“That’s not true!”

Manuel was really angry now, his face pushed right up towards Max’s as he shoved his considerable strength against the door.

“Isn’t it? I think it is. I think you revealed your true colours last night and you’re yellow. You’re a coward.”

Max was yelling now too

“You’re too scared to be honest with people. Too scared to be honest with yourself.”

Manuel could feel the anger and frustration building with him. Who was he to judge him like this? Was this more than friendly protectiveness? Surely Christoph didn’t view him like this? Did he?

Max continued, warming to his subject:

“If you care about someone, you should be proud of them, proud of the way you feel. You should shout from the rooftops not try to hide them like they were something shameful. But you care too much about what people might think of you. You’re a snob Manu, but your money can’t buy you class!”

Manuel was about to roar back his repost to Max’s stinging accusations when suddenly the door was opened causing him to overbalance and stumble backwards.

“Quiet the pair of you!” Christoph shushed, “I’ll not have you upsetting old Mrs Friedrich next door!”

“Chris!”

As Manuel instinctively stretched out his hand to the younger man, Christoph stepped back from him. He looked tired and grey.

Now pleading, Manuel tried again:

“Chris, please!” he begged.

“Here”

Christoph held out a suit carrier containing the borrowed tuxedo. He seemed sad rather than angry. His usually luminous eyes seemed cold and distant.

“I’m going home for Christmas and New Year. Don’t try to call me.”

His anger Manuel could have coped with, engaged with, he could have fought to be heard but Chris seemed so walled off, so calm, and Manuel was terrified.

“But… Will you come back?” – _no, he couldn’t even entertain that thought_ \- “ **When** you come back, will you just talk with me, please?”

Chris shook his head, his bottom lip quivering slightly but his voice, when it came, was calm.

“I can’t promise that Manu,” and as he closed the door, “Merry Christmas”.

Manuel turned from the door, his chest heaving, his head reeling as though Christoph had struck him hard across the face. As he turned he glimpsed the twitch of a blind in the window of the house next door. He couldn’t bring himself the expose his hurt and pain to strange, inquisitive eyes, so he ran from the street in the vague direction of his apartment.

The cold air tore at his lungs and stung at his rapidly filling eyes as he pushed through the last-minute shoppers that were beginning to throng into the city. He didn’t stop until he climbed the stairs to his flat and slammed the door against the world, whereupon he sank to the floor, his arms wrapped around his knees and howled.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crisis talks, home truths and (un)helpful suggestions

“What the hell Manu! That was a total dick move!”

Mats looked somewhat surprised by Benni’s outburst.

Manuel dropped his head onto the kitchen table and covered it with his hands.

“Er, Benni? A little harsh perhaps? He’s upset”

Mats’ attempts to calm his boyfriend were silenced as Benni glared at him.

“No way! As his friend it’s my job to tell him when he’s behaved like a dick!”

It was the afternoon of New Year’s Day and a lack of sleep coupled with a few remnant hangovers made for frayed tempers.

Benni had received a SOS text from Manuel and had come round to his flat baring cakes. He knew Manuel well enough to know when baked goods were required. It took three chocolate chip muffins and two large coffees before Manu found the strength to relate the events of the previous week’s party. Needless to say Benni’s reaction was not as sympathetic as he had hoped.

“What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know” Manuel groaned.

“You’re going to have to do better than that.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it. It all just came out wrong, everything was all wrong. I know it sounds awful but you know how awkward I get at those social things. I was overawed, and drunk and stupid. But it wasn’t malicious.”

This clumsy explanation seemed to appease Benni slightly.

“Have you tried telling him this?”

“Of course!”

“What did he say?”

“Nothing. He won’t reply to my calls or texts and when I went round he could barely look at me. Max wouldn’t let me in. He was protecting the door like a guard dog.”

“I remember you doing something very similar to me” Mats remarked gently.

Manuel shook his head sadly.

“He called me a snob. He said all I cared about was looking good in front of Pep and the rest of them”

“Don’t listen to him. He doesn’t know you”

Mats seemed to be aiming for the ‘Good Cop’ role to counter his irate partner.

“He said I was too scared to be honest and show my feelings to the world” Manuel continued sounding pained, “But I never have done. I like to keep my private life private, what’s wrong with that?”

“Well nothing,” Benni admitted, not sounding completely convinced “but you didn’t tell us you were seeing him until you suddenly brought him to football practice. It doesn’t make sense. No wonder he thinks you’re hiding him away."

Manuel shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“I like to keep my life separate, separate boxes – work, friends, family – and I don’t like to mix them. It makes it easier.”

Mats looked confused and Benni sceptical.

“I don’t get it.” Benni was pressing for more of an explanation, “We’ve met him. We like him. The world didn’t end. We didn’t scare him off. What did you think would happen?”

“I don’t know! I was scared okay?” Manuel sighed, “I’ve never really presented anyone as ‘my boyfriend’ before”

Even now he tripped over the words ‘my boyfriend’ as though they were too big for his mouth.

_I wasn’t good enough_ he wanted to say. _I wasn’t worthy. I wasn’t good enough, brave enough to tell you when I had a crush on you. I wasn’t good enough to have the guts to ask Chris out without making an idiot of myself. I deserve to be alone._

“It was all a bit too real. Telling you would make it real. And I knew it was too good to last. I knew I would ruin it! And if everyone knew, if you all knew, then you would see me mess it up and I couldn’t cope with everyone’s pity, your scorn."

Seeing Manuel looking so distressed, Benni felt guilty. He glanced over at Mats before resting his hand gently on Manuel’s slumped shoulder.

“We’re your friends. We care about you. We’re not waiting to see you fail. All we want is to see you happy. We’re happy when you’re happy and concerned when you’re miserable and we’re here to help, even if some of us have a funny way of showing it.”

Manuel looked up at him and managed a wry smile.

“I know. Thank you”

Mats got up from his seat at the table.

“Shall I make more coffee?”

“Good idea.”

Mats began rinsing mugs and searching for more milk.

“We missed you at Mario and Marco’s New Year’s party” he said, his head in Manu’s fridge, “Did you go home for the holidays?”

“Mmhuh” Manuel confirmed this with his mouthful of chocolate cake.

“What did they say about this?” asked Benni

Manuel swallowed awkwardly.

“Er, I didn’t tell them”

“But they must have noticed that something was wrong. You look dreadful!”

“Gee thanks!”

“You know what I mean. They’ll have been worried.”

There was an awkward pause.

“Well the thing is…they don’t know…I mean, I’ve never actually told them in so many words…that I’m gay”

Benni was speechless. His eyes bulged in disbelief and both Mats and Manuel cowered slightly as though he was about to explode again.

Instead he gaped, mouth opening and closing as he took in this revelation.

A stammered “Shit, Manu!” was all he managed in the end.

“I know, I know!”

“But, but…”

“They’re kind of traditional, Catholic, they want grandkids, all that. I didn’t know how, how to…disappoint them.”

Sneaking a look at his stunned, bewildered boyfriend, Mats put a steaming coffee cup in front of Manuel and a reassuring hand on his arm.

“Mate, chances are they already know. Parents often do I think”

“Erm, yeah” Benni was still a little shell-shocked “I mean, they seemed really nice when I met them last year” he added somewhat pathetically.

“I know. I know what you’re thinking. I know I need to tell them, but can I just deal with one mess at a time?” Manuel whined.

Benni took a sip of coffee. It seemed to clear his head because he found his voice again.

“Look, you don’t have to be a campaigner. But you do have to be yourself. And you need to start trusting the people who love you- your friends, your family and, possibly most importantly, Christoph.”

His rallying-cry was interrupted by the door buzzer, followed swiftly by the arrival of Thomas.

“Hey guys! The door was open so I let myself in. I got your text. Sorry I’m late. How’s it going? What have I missed?”

Manuel crashed his head back on the table and groaned again.

…

An hour or so later, they were still sat around the kitchen table. Benni’s cupcakes had vanished and Manuel’s coffee supplies had been exhausted. Beer had taken its place.

“The main issue remains how do I get him to talk to me?” Manuel demanded.

“No, no, you need to work out what it is you want to say first.” Benni argued, “What is it you want?”

“Him! Us. It was easy, it was fun but now… now I realise how much he means to me. The last few days have been the worst, the longest of my life!”

Mats shrugged.

“Say that. That’ll do. Simple and to the point.”

“But he won’t listen!” Manuel was getting exasperated.

There had been a lot of talking but he didn’t feel they were getting anywhere.

“You need to get his attention” said Mats

“Yeah” Thomas enthused “Maybe you could get Mats to write him a love poem?”

“Not a sodding poem!” Manuel growled.

“I’m not writing him a poem!” Mats was adamant.

Benni frowned.

“You know, you’ve never written me a poem.”

“You’d tear it to shreds! You’d pick holes in the structure, the rhyme scheme. Your inner Lit student would kick in and dismantle it!” his boyfriend responded indignantly.

“You could try!” Benni pouted

“Some things can’t be put into words” came the reply as Mats lent across and flicked the tip of Benni’s nose affectionately.

“This might sound selfish but can we get back to me please?” Manuel exclaimed, conscious that his friends’ attention was wandering.

“Oops, sorry Manu” said Mats sheepishly, “We were saying you need a big gesture -something classic, romantic.”

Thomas’ eyes lit up.

“A knight in shining armour!”

“No! No way! I’m not riding a horse!”

Thomas didn’t appear to hear him. He looked deliriously happy with his idea.

“Oooh armour! I’m sure you could rent some from somewhere.”

“Not helpful!”

Manuel looked as though he was about to throw his friends out of his flat if they tried his patience any further.

“It has to be specific to him.” said Benni “You know him better than us. What’s his ‘thing’, his passion? That’s what you need to think about. And…” he continued as he stood up stiffly from the table, “we should be leaving you to do just that.”

“Yeah, good point. We should get going” Mats agreed “Good luck man”

“Thanks”

“I hope it all works out for you guys” Thomas added, putting on his coat, “You’re more fun when you’re happy plus we could really use him in midfield!”

Manuel stuck his middle finger up at his grinning friend.

“Thanks for that Thomas!” he replied with a thoroughly exhausted ironic smile.

Mats dragged Thomas out whilst Benni gave the still-seated Manuel a hug.

“I think this is fixable” he said “You’ll find a way I’m sure”

“Thank you.”

“And you know you can call me anytime you need, right?”

“Next time I need someone to tell me I’m an idiot?”

Benni grinned.

“I think I used the word ‘dick’ but yeah, anytime!”

“Thanks Benni”

…

Manuel sat for while after his friends had left. He felt as though he had aged years in the past few days. Thoughts tumbled and swirled through his mind.

Eventually he stood up and turned on the radio to drown out the silent cacophony in his mind. Instead of hearing the incessant drone of news and sport on the station he normally listened to, the set had been left tuned to the ‘golden oldies’ channel that Chris liked to dance around to in the mornings. The memory of this scene of domestic bliss struck Manuel in the heart.

As he reached up to turn it off, the electronic synthesiser faded out to be replaced by the strummed opening chords of a song that was instantly familiar.

_Sometimes ideas really do come like the switch of a lightbulb._


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manu on a mission

_Well at least it isn’t raining_

The afternoon sun hung low in the sky and a cold northerly wind sent high white clouds scudding across the cornflower-blue sky.

Manuel pulled his specially purchased long brown coat more tightly around himself as he strode purposefully into the icy headwind. His right hand gripped the brittle plastic handle of a 1980’s vintage boombox; his left gripped the cassette box in his coat pocket. Money can’t buy class but a considerable amount of time spent on eBay, several phone calls, a 30km round-trip and a not inconsiderable outlay of cash can lead to the acquisition of the necessary elements for a personalised declaration of affection and repentance.

With his heart filled with a heady mix of trepidation and determination, Manuel arrived outside Christoph’s front door. Frantically hoping that Chris hadn’t changed his shifts and would be inside, he took the cassette from its box with trembling hands and slotted it into the player.

He turned the little volume dial up to maximum and hoisted the black and silver box above his head. It was surprisingly heavy on outstretched arms; possibly due the massive batteries he had had to source to power it.

A ‘clunk’, a ‘whirr’ and then the twin speakers gave a tinny hiss.

An iPod would have had less impact; the CD version would have been inauthentic. He had one shot and he had to get every detail right, but what had seemed a great idea in the comfort and privacy of his apartment, suddenly seemed less viable in the cold and very public street.

The introductory bars of melodic guitar rang out through the frosty air before a soulful voice delivered the opening lyrics:

> _“Sorry_
> 
> _Is all that you can’t say…”_

Within seconds Manuel could feel the burning eyes of passers-by as they turned to stare at him. The cassette player swayed a little above him and he had to lock his elbows to stop his arms shaking.

The song continued, loud and clear.

Manuel gritted his teeth, determined to ignore the whispers and pointing fingers, concentrating solely on the thought of the last time he had heard this song. It had been sung especially for him, dedicated to him by the man who had lit up his world, on a blissful evening just a few weeks ago, just before that world had unravelled.

_Please hear me. Please. Please understand._

Acutely self-conscious but unbowed, Manuel willed Chris to open the door. Never mind the fact a crowd of bewildered onlookers was gathering. Christoph was more important.

_Please. Please!_

He stood for what seemed an eternity in nervous anticipation.The song chorus repeated for the final time and began its outro and still the door remained closed.

_No, no, please!_

He had no ‘plan B.’ Could he rewind the fragile tape and play it again? And again? Over and over until either Chris came out to speak to him or someone called the police?

As the final chord died away, the front door rattled, was pulled open and Chris stepped tentatively across the threshold. He walked slowly towards Manuel and, reaching up, took the cassette player out of his hands. He silenced the whirring tape with a ‘clunk’ of the stop-button and placed the box on the ground between himself and Manuel.

Never once did his pale aqua eyes meet Manuel’s.

Manuel’s heart thundered in his chest and his voice croaked and stuttered with anguish and longing:

“You said you wanted your life to be like an 80’s John Hughes movie. I tried.”

Still Christoph’s stare was fixed on the boombox on the ground between them.

Manuel was desperate to reach out his hand and touch him, make him look up, but something told him to do so would be fatal.

“Please, please, say something, say anything, please Chris!”

Christoph’s voice was soft and surprisingly calm:

“’Say Anything’ was directed by Cameron Crowe actually; not John Hughes.”

A small smile pulled at his lips but when, a moment later, he finally looked up at Manu, his eyes were wet with held-back tears.

Manuel was confused and the sight of Christoph’s emotion unleashed his own.

_What?!_

_He’s joking, teasing. Is this a good thing? He’s not angry._

He hadn’t been entirely sure what reaction he had expected, but it certainly wasn’t this and he let go a combined sob/chuckle of agony and relief that tremored through his body.

On seeing this, Christoph instinctively, almost unwittingly, stretched out a tender hand of comfort and laid it gently on Manuel’s trembling arm.

“How long would you have stood there?”

“Until you came out and spoke to me. I’ll do anything, please Chris”

Manuel cared nothing for pride anymore. He would beg if necessary.

“You’d better come inside then” Chris said simply.

He turned and Manuel picked up his props, following him into the cramped little house.

They sat side-by-side on Christoph’s faded, saggy couch. Manuel’s breathing had almost returned to normal but his heart was still battering against his ribcage.

“I know I stuffed up”

Chris pulled a sarcastic face along the lines of ‘D’you think?!”

“I was an idiot…”

Chris nodded

“…and I hurt you. Believe me, I never meant to. It wasn’t you I was ashamed of, it was me. I was, I _**am**_ so terrified that I’m not enough, not good enough. I’ve always felt that I needed to put on a performance for everyone. It wasn’t enough to be me – no one would want that.”

Christoph shifted a little in his seat but let Manuel continue. His thoughts tumbled from him, chaotic but sincere.

“Max was right. I was scared of what people would think. I’ve been trying to be the person I think the world wants and not the person I am. Shit, that sounds really pretentious!”

He sighed and shut his eyes, forcing out the words, painful, raw and imperfect as they were.

“The thing is though; I never had to act when I was with you. You’re the only one who really got past all the walls I built to protect myself. I never wanted to be vulnerable before to expose myself to the pain that always, always follows. But you let me be me – just me –a ‘me’ I liked, a ‘me’ I was afraid to let the world see.

“God!” He exclaimed, his desperate passion rising, “Can’t we just start again? Go back to the beginning?”

He turned his face to look at Christoph who was staring down at his feet again, listening intently, wrestling with Manuel’s confession.

“No” his voice was gentle, but Manuel flinched at the sound.

“We can’t start again” Christoph continued, “because we’ve come too far. We’ve seen too much, we know so much more now. I was hurt. I was angry. You made me feel worthless, like you wanted me to hide away. It brought back some painful memories. That’s why I reacted so strongly. I was with someone like that once before. Someone who didn’t want to be seen with me, who wanted me as his ‘fun’, his bit-on-the-side to be played with, taken up and dropped whenever he wanted. And for so long I thought that that was all I was worth”

Christoph’s voice faltered slightly but then grew stronger again.

“But now I know I deserve so much more than that.”

He turned his glistening eyes to meet Manuel’s stricken, sorrowful gaze.

“See” he said, “You’re not the only one with baggage. We can’t start again with polite chit-chat when we’re sitting here with hearts laid bare, can we?”

He stretched out his hand.

“I don’t believe that you meant to hurt me. And I’ll forgive you if you forgive yourself, because I’m rather afraid that you are your own harshest judge. Other people tend to be more understanding than you might think if you give them a chance. Let them see you as you are and if they don’t like it, that’s their problem. That’s what I think anyway!”

His cheeks wet with tears, Manuel just took Christoph’s hand and kissed it.

“That’s not to say it’s all fixed and fine now” Chris warned.

“I know, I know” whispered Manuel, his head bowed in submission.

“We’ve got quite a lot to work out I think”

“I know, I’ll try, I promise”

Chris smiled warmly and pressed a kiss to the top of Manuel’s lowered head.

“I think we both need a drink” he said brightly, getting up from the sofa, “I’ll grab us a couple of cokes and maybe we could watch a movie?”

Manuel just stared at him for a second. Never had the offer of movie sounded so much like a glorious benediction. He was still trembling slightly from the traumatic tempest of emotions he had passed through in such a short space of time.

“That’d be great” he said simply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might need some references for context ;-)
> 
> ‘Say Anything’ Trailer : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFV7FnbhBRY
> 
> ‘Baby can I hold you’: Original https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzIE3mRFypQ or 90’s boyband version : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Po-g5EW7bCQ
> 
> I very nearly used 'When you say nothing at all' to be honest but went for a similar song (also covered by Ronan Keating) as an AU parallel - and because the words are more appropriate in this context. I hope that doesn't disappoint anyone ;)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looking to the future

Pushing through the door, Manuel was relieved to see that The Hive was relatively quiet for a weekday morning. He had texted Benni hoping to meet up during his break from the office but there was no sign of him. Dodging a free-range child that had gotten away from its harassed-looking mother, Manu reached the counter just as Mats appeared from the kitchen with a tray of fresh pastries.

“Morning!”

“Hi Manu! Benni’s just in the office. Hang on, I’ll get him.”

He stuck his head through the swing doors and called:

“Honey, Manu’s here!”

There was a muffled yell in reply.

“He’ll be out in a minute” Mats informed Manuel, “We’re going through our business plan.”

“You’re serious about buying this place then?”

“Well, we’re seriously thinking about it.” Mats looked a bit apprehensive. “It depends on whether we can scape enough money together and convince the bank we’re serious businessmen rather than clueless literature graduates.”

“Well I hope you manage it. It’d be good to be your own boss.”

“Yeah, scary but good. It just seems like too good an opportunity not to at least try to make it work. And with Roberto deciding to retire at the end of April, the alternative is us both being unemployed. It feels like the time for bold decisions, you know?”

“Well it’s all very exciting anyway”

“What’s very exciting?” Benni joined them.

“You two taking over this place” anwered Manuel.

“Well exciting is one word for it” Benni looked doubtful, “but at the moment it’s all spreadsheets, lease terms and legal jargon. It’ll take a while to sort through I reckon. Anyway, how are you? Why the text? Is everything alright?”

Manuel smiled at his friend’s concern.

“It’s fine. I just wanted some advice.”

“Let me fix you some coffee” said Mats, searching out Manuel’s usual mug, “I’ll bring it over to you.”

Manu and Benni took this as their cue to get out of the way of the other customers, who were starting to queue behind them, and went to sit over by the window.

“I thought things were better between you and Christoph now?”

Benni was still looking worried.

“They are! We’re good, we’re good. We’re better at talking about stuff now – proper stuff, important things.”

“I’m glad to hear it” Benni smiled.

“I think it’ll take longer for Max to forgive me though. I’m going to have to prove that I’m worthy of his best friend!”

“Ooo that one can be tough!” interjected Mats with a knowing wink at Manuel as he reappeared and handed over the drinks, “Good Luck!”

“Ah but I have a plan!” Manu took the mug from him, “I’m lending him my suit so that he can take out his new girlfriend to some fancy restaurant for Valentine’s Day. Hopefully that will get me into his good books. And on the subject of Valentine’s Day, that’s what I wanted your advice about…”

“Oh yes?”

“I really wanted to make an effort for Chris so I thought rather than just throwing money around, he’d appreciate something that involved time and effort.”

“Such as?”

“Well, I thought I should do something out of my comfort zone and maybe cook a romantic meal for us.”

Benni snorted with laughter

“What?” Manu looked indignant.

Benni’s reaction was a mix of mirth and alarm.

“Er, are you sure that’s wise? Have you forgotten you nearly burned down the apartment last year? There was a reason I used to do all the cooking!”

“That’s why I was asking for your help, jackass! I was hoping you could point me towards some easy recipes rather than just taking the piss!”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry” a contrite Benni held up his hands, “I’m sure I can come up with something. I think it’s a lovely gesture to put yourself out like that. You could always buy in dessert, or -here’s an idea - how about I make you Torta Gianduia?”

“Torta what?”

“Nutella cake to you.”

Manuel grinned.

“Anyone would think you knew me well!”

“Funny that!”

“What about you? Do you and Mats have any plans?”

“We’re both working. Our place is going to be packed with loved-up couples so Roberto has got us all in and because I’m busy, Mats agreed to swap with Erik so he can be with Julian.”

“That’s a shame”

“Nah, it’s fine. We can use every penny at the moment.”

“You know Thomas is still gabbling about getting his hands on armour and chainmail!”

“Not really?” Benni groaned in disbelief, “How does Lisa put up with him?”

“I suspect it’s called love! Apparently it can make us do funny things. And on that subject, I think I may have been affected myself. You’d have been proud of me. I took your advice and went to see my parents at the weekend.”

“You told them?”

Manuel nodded

“Blimey! How did it go?”

“It was okay actually” Manuel contemplated this, “I mean, they weren’t putting out the rainbow bunting or anything but they didn’t seem that surprised either.”

“Parental intuition perhaps?”

“Hmm… something like that maybe. I’m planning on taking Christoph to meet them at Easter”

“Whoa!”

Benni seemed surprised and impressed by his friend’s new-found assurance.

“Well I wanted to wait until after Lent because I’m pretty sure a certain amount of booze will be required for us all to survive that one!”

Manuel grinned again and shook his head at how rapidly his life was changing.

“I should be getting back to work” he said, downing the last of his coffee and standing up from his chair, “Good luck with the business plan.”

“Yeah, thanks man” Benni didn’t look too thrilled by the prospect of returning to his spreadsheets, “I’ll email you a couple of recipe ideas”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it. I’ll see you soon.”

He waved goodbye to Mats and headed back to the G&L offices up the street.

…

Manuel had arrived a couple of minutes early. Christoph had managed to negotiate finishing his shift early so that they could make the start of the concert and Manu had arranged to meet him at the gym so that they could go directly to the gig.

He strode straight through the automatic glass doors of ‘Elite Leisure’ and up to the reception desk.

“Evening Helene!”

Christoph’s colleague looked up from her computer and gave a broad, toothsome smile.

“Hello Manuel. He’s just getting changed out of his uniform. He’ll be out in a minute.”

“No problem, we’ve got plenty of time.”

He propped one elbow on the desk.

“You’ve had your hair done”

Helene flushed a little, blinking behind her glasses as one hand automatically reached for her, now frizz-tamed, locks.

“It looks good” Manu reassured her.

“Thanks…um…yeah well…Max is DJ-ing at ‘Soul 66’ tonight…” she mumbled, suddenly very much occupied with arranging the membership brochures in front of her.

Manuel smiled as he was reminded of his own awkward, bumbling performance here a few months earlier. She had his sympathy.

“Ah, I see. Have a good time”

“Thanks” was her slightly sheepish reply.

The ‘Staff Only’ door behind reception swung open and Manuel looked up as Christoph appeared.

The large, limpid green eyes were as bewitching as the first time Manuel had noticed them but the overall impression made by the tall, lithe young man was no longer simply ‘cute, really cute’.

He was beautiful.

And so much more than that: kind, strong, generous and wise.

“Earth to Manu!”

Christoph waved his hand across Manuel’s zoned-out face and he shook the dream-like bliss from his head.

“Sorry”

Chris smirked, arching one eyebrow in familiar, teasing fashion.

“No it’s fine. Hello.”

Manuel smiled faintly, then, leaning in slightly, anointed his beloved with a tender, hungry and passionate kiss.

“Mmm…what was that for?” asked Chris, gasping a little for air as their lips finally parted.

“Nothing really” Manuel mused, his face still so close to Christoph’s that he could feel the flutter of his eyelashes, “It’s just good to see you.”

Chris smirked again. He slid his hand from Manuel’s shoulder down to take his hand.

“We should get going.”

He glanced over to the reception desk.

“Night Helene!”

She looked up from helping an elderly lady book Pilates lessons and winked at her friend.

“Have a lovely evening guys!”

They left the lobby hand in hand, their fingers entwined.


End file.
